Worry-free zone

So I started this blog to focus primarily on the absurd amount of worrying I do. I thought that by documenting each day the insane things I get myself worked up about, I would thus feel more relaxed.

I was quite worried before leaving for Hawaii that I would not be able to enjoy my vacation because I would be so worried about work (as has been the case in past vacations, though it seems to pass by day 2 or 3). It's been a while since I took 2 weeks off from work, and so I expected to have a hard time letting go.

It really hasn't qualified as a worry! I've thought about it a few times and as we get closer to returning home (sadly), I think a bit more specifically about projects. But the thoughts come and go and fortunately do not latch on.

So what have I been worrying about for the past 8 days?

I did convince myself that Dan was dead when we were snorkeling on the Kona side of the Island. I lost him and the waves were picking up. I wondered how I'd get his body back to Seattle, if they were able to find it. Morbid. Temporary.

I worried briefly about getting eye cancer after seeing a segment on Entertainment Tonight about some actress who had a kid with it and one eye had to be removed!

And that's about all I can think of at the moment! (besides the initial freak-out with the luggage, of course)

Progress on my part. Simply enjoying a vacation. What a concept.

Right now I'm sipping a mai tai up on the "whale tower" of the house we're renting. It's a balcony up on the roof and overlooks the tops of the jungle and the Pacific. I've spent quite a bit of time up here, reading, drinking and sunbathing (no one can see me!).

Hawaii inspires me. I won't go into it too much, but I feel a sense of stillness and peace that I don't experience anywhere else. I look in the mirror less. I get fewer headaches. I enjoy fruit. I smile more. Part of this is vacation, sure. But it's different than being on vacation in Vegas or New York. I can just sit and stare at the ocean or a tree for hours. Normally I would think of that as a stoner/hippie activity.

The day after tomorrow I get on a plane back to my busy life of a 45-hour work week (plus commute time), a gym regime, a social calendar, bills, errands, chores and a dark and dreary climate. Hopefully, I can take some of this home with me and not lapse right back into anxiety. I really do look forward to the coming months of birthdays, holidays, and spending time in our new home.

big island

I haven't posted yet because, well, I've been very busy and preoccupied. I had all the best intentions of starting fresh with my new perspective and intent to share.

And here I am. Sunday night. October 21st. I've been on vacation for 5 days on the Big Island of Hawaii, under the pretense of it being a "working vacation" to find a place for my wedding next year. It's my third trip to Hawaii, in 3 years, and 3rd island. Spent 3 nights on the Kona side and then drove to this house near Kehena Beach on the Hilo side on Friday.

I'm in love. Hawaii just feels right to me.

I'm taking a lot of pictures and will soon post and narrate.

A few highlights: Kona Brewing Company (yummy beers and pizza), kayaking and snorkeling and seeing dolphins near James cook monument, swimming in the pacific ocean, eating fresh passion fruit, my first real luau, a trip to the zoo and drinking a bowl of kava at, yes, a Kava Bar.

And...think we found the perfect spot for the ceremony today. Fingers crossed!

Aloha Air did lose my luggage on the flight in and I did not receive it until 9:30pm that night at the hotel, but aside from that...no drama. It sucked, but I think it's made me appreciate this trip even more. And, for the record, I did reach a point in my bitching/worrying/catastrophosizing where I realized I had no business complaining about losing STUFF when I had reached Paradise. But honestly, I'm really happy to have my clothes, shoes, shaver and cell phone cord back.

aloha!

kana
(dan)