Worry-free zone

So I started this blog to focus primarily on the absurd amount of worrying I do. I thought that by documenting each day the insane things I get myself worked up about, I would thus feel more relaxed.

I was quite worried before leaving for Hawaii that I would not be able to enjoy my vacation because I would be so worried about work (as has been the case in past vacations, though it seems to pass by day 2 or 3). It's been a while since I took 2 weeks off from work, and so I expected to have a hard time letting go.

It really hasn't qualified as a worry! I've thought about it a few times and as we get closer to returning home (sadly), I think a bit more specifically about projects. But the thoughts come and go and fortunately do not latch on.

So what have I been worrying about for the past 8 days?

I did convince myself that Dan was dead when we were snorkeling on the Kona side of the Island. I lost him and the waves were picking up. I wondered how I'd get his body back to Seattle, if they were able to find it. Morbid. Temporary.

I worried briefly about getting eye cancer after seeing a segment on Entertainment Tonight about some actress who had a kid with it and one eye had to be removed!

And that's about all I can think of at the moment! (besides the initial freak-out with the luggage, of course)

Progress on my part. Simply enjoying a vacation. What a concept.

Right now I'm sipping a mai tai up on the "whale tower" of the house we're renting. It's a balcony up on the roof and overlooks the tops of the jungle and the Pacific. I've spent quite a bit of time up here, reading, drinking and sunbathing (no one can see me!).

Hawaii inspires me. I won't go into it too much, but I feel a sense of stillness and peace that I don't experience anywhere else. I look in the mirror less. I get fewer headaches. I enjoy fruit. I smile more. Part of this is vacation, sure. But it's different than being on vacation in Vegas or New York. I can just sit and stare at the ocean or a tree for hours. Normally I would think of that as a stoner/hippie activity.

The day after tomorrow I get on a plane back to my busy life of a 45-hour work week (plus commute time), a gym regime, a social calendar, bills, errands, chores and a dark and dreary climate. Hopefully, I can take some of this home with me and not lapse right back into anxiety. I really do look forward to the coming months of birthdays, holidays, and spending time in our new home.